Stubbed my Baby Toe

Thats enough of that...

2008-12-16T14:18:00.000-08:00

So I get an email letting me know that someone has commented on my blog about my son...

What they had to say was... immature, vulgar, and if I had their address they would be receiving a visit from me.

I've disabled comments on this blog, not that I update it anymore, but I won't have anybody talking about my son.

Greetings from the lake!

2008-04-05T19:36:00.000-07:00

Well, dad and I left out yesterday and drove all the way to the lake (he only let me steer the car since I can't reach the pedals yet). We got here late lastnight and I didn't sleep too well through the night, but did make it all the way to 7:30 this morning.

After a lovely breakfast of cinnamon rolls and milk ( I do love milk ), dad and I played with the BAAALLLLLL in the yard with my cousin Tryston I was ready to have some lunch. The only problem is my granddaddy was going to grill some hotdogs, on a grill he hadn't put together yet.

We finally ate some yummy sausage and potatoe salad, I had some green stuff (some something as Tryston used to call it) I was ready for another nap. I had two naps, two hours each, and still went to bed at the normal time.

Dad and granddaddy went fishing and caught some mosquito bites, but no fish. Well, thats my first road trip with dad so far. I wish he'd have gotten a sunroof though, lastnight I thought it'd be fun to catch some bugs.

Ben: Well Mary, as you can see we are still alive, and will see you tomorrow. Love you.

The many faces of Wild Bill

2008-02-26T18:54:00.000-08:00

William's scrunchy face. I don't know where it came from.

More scrunchy face. I've submitted multiple shots so scientists can study this phenomenon.

Somebody is trying to steal my tootsie pop. 10 seconds later I had him in a sleeper hold. Don't touch my candy!

William helping Mary prep some hamburgers.

"Can I have this?"

"Now I want you to have this."

"I stole daddy's chair. I'm squinting in fear because he's coming to get me after taking this picture."

"Mommy has intervened and saved my diaper clad ass from daddy's hand of vengeance."

Super cute. I'd post a cuter pic, but your monitor would turn into sugar and you'd be unable to see...

...this picture of William is either really bored and yawning, or doing his best Elvis "The King" Presley impression.

Jelly is the cat's ass!!!

"Did I mention I liked jelly? I like jelly."

"Back off with that wash rag, this jelly is being saved for later... or to be smeared into my hair. I'm crazy like that."

"Damn, that is some GOOD jelly."

Thank you thank you, next week I'll be presenting the Pampers Monologue.

More pics to follow, but this tickled me.

2008-02-26T18:04:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the quality, and please let it load.

Mom and William Reading the Farm Book - More amazing video clips are a click away

Finally

2008-02-12T18:02:00.000-08:00

So its been a little over 15 months since I showed up. Mom and Dad have grown alot as parents, but sometimes I still need to help them out.

I've created the following flashcards from hard lessons in the hopes that if I ever have a sibling they'll be able to reference these and not subject the yet unknown sibling to my first 15 months.

CPS, if you're listening, they've gotten better.

2007-09-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

Here is some video of Wild Bill in his Wranglers and boots telling us what he thinks about it.

William Drooling - Watch more amazing videos here

Update for on Willy G

2007-07-20T04:20:00.000-07:00

See I threw the G in there so Mary won't kill me for calling him Willy. I'm GENIUS!

I hope I spelled genius right.

Ok, the day after I posted saying he wasn't crawling, William started crawling. It was sorta like his "army man" crawl where he stays on his belly and pushes with one leg while pulling himself with his arms. This time he was using both legs, then alternating legs he picked up speed and was up on his knees.

Thought for the day

"Baby Go Fast!" So fast you can't photograph a crawling baby, so no pics this time out.

I can't turn my back now when he's in the floor because he is off to where ever and what ever he can get his freakishly long hands on. He's only really wiped out a couple of times to where he's bruised or ended up bleeding, so of course he is absolutely fearless.

I on the othe hand am not fearless. He likes the coffee table, but falls down there and comes within millimeters of smacking his noggin on the table several times a day. Next time we get a house made of NERF. I'm sure I'll sleep better.

What can I say, he's mine.

2007-07-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

I kinda leave the "writing" about William to Mary. She sees him during the day a whole lot more than I do. I just know he's entirely too cute, and I love him a whole lot. He's pulling up, cruising, and driving us nuts for the most part. I do love coming home from work and seeing him smile at me, or when I get him in the morning he's standing in his crib smiling that toothless grin.

Here are some pics of my boy, you can find more at the photo page.

Embarassing bathtub pics posted on the web: Check

Obligatory baby butt crach pic: Check

Texas boy on a cowhide: Check

My wife telling me she loves me in bacon grease: Check
Oh like nobody else has had their spouse express their love in rendered hog fat? Ya'll need to get out more.

Extra shot of baby in the tub just in case he wasn't embarassed enough yet: Check.

Another New Cousin

2007-06-25T18:27:00.000-07:00

Mom and Dad and I went to Chico, TX yesterday to Great Uncle Randy and Great Aunt Debbie's house to welcome my new cousin Jace to the family.

Since Jace is half of my age, only 4 months old, he wasn't alot of fun to play with. That's him asleep in his grandmas lap. Yep, that's about all he did while I was there so I was forced to play with the big people. While this was a bit of a disappiontment for me, they didn't seem to mind.

Here you see my Aunt Sharon and Cousin Mary doting over me. This is the behavior I expect from adults. As you'll see in the next few pictures, they met my expectations.

While they all enjoyed doting over me, the high point of my day was lounging on Aunt Debbie's "oreo" cow rug.

Ahhhhhhhhhh! Luxury!

I got a new pad!

2007-04-09T18:56:00.000-07:00

So dad finally got off his butt and finished my room. I like it. I have a dresser, a changing table, and a crib. Also a whole bunch of book shelves and other storage stuff. Did you know that infants have this much crap? Dad says I can't have the closet though. So here are some pics of my new place. Oh yeah, the carpet has to be replaced already because the weave seperated from the backing. Dad isn't happy, and he said something about no more projects this year. We'll see how that goes.

So here I am in my new bouncy, jumpy, uh, thing. Damn I'm cute.

This is the fresh butt station. Slap a new filter on me and we're good to go.

Where my stuff is stored.

Look at those books! Can't talk, much less read, but I'm stocked up for when I can.

Yeah, another shot of dad without his shirt on. He keeps that up he'll wind up on cops.

Will's new trick, it's a good one..

2007-02-20T20:14:00.000-08:00

... if you have the patience of a SAINT!

So he's started teething and this is somewhat uncomfortable for him, I guess. I'm having to gather clues from the screaming and the crying. We used that Anbesol gum medicine. All that does is piss him off. Evidently it gets on his tongue and lips. This freaks him out, and he also is unable to keep from drooling like a Saint Bernard! Although this has lead to spit bubbles of unprecedented size.

Being the soft and loving guy I am, I try holding him over my shoulder, rocking him, and patting him on his back. The problem with this is while on my shoulder he screams directly into my ear canal. I think the right ear is bleeding from the pressure this kid puts out. Makes him real fun to hold.

I know things are going to get better, and let me tell ya, I'm ready.

Now that is love

2007-02-20T20:04:00.000-08:00

Will's Grand-daddy came all the way from Kingsland and spent the weekend helping Will's daddy fix Will's room. GD as he shall hence be called, endured sleeping on the couch, a house without coffee, and a son that isn't so good with the drywall repair. All in all the ceiling was levelled up, or down, but I don't think sideways, textured, and some electrical work was accomplished.

GD knows his stuff, but his sons use of pink drywall compound had him a bit confused. I told him pink was the new black, that and the stuff should dry white. Funny thing though, when I primed and then painted the ceiling it reactivated the pink dye, and my ceiling turned bright pink for a few hours. Mary was a bit concerned.

I primed the walls and and am ready to start painting the room a nice shade of pastel green and pastel yellow. Painting should be finished by this weekend and most of the trim installed as well. Then it's down to new carpet and we should be finished.

Thanks Dad, for more than you'll ever know.

Yes Bunny, tell me more...

2007-02-12T20:01:00.000-08:00

...not now Bear, Bunny's talking.

So I haven't really traded him in for a case of beer, although sometimes I DO get thirsty.

He sometimes gets me up at 4am so we can watch Ron PoPeil and Billy Mays whore for some gadget, cleaner, or some other product that Wild Bill and I can't for the life of us figure out HOW we ever got along without them. Thank God WB doesn't have his own credit card, 'cause he said that food dehydrator looked mighty tempting.

Most of the time (as in 99 out of 100) Mary takes care of any mid sleepy time feedings, because if she didn't he'd starve. I hope she doesn't figure out that I'm staying up a little later than her so I can slip in my ear plugs without her noticing. Love ya Super Wife.

His Grandma has retired and is baby sitting for us during the day. I have been tasked with delivering said bundle of joy in the morning on my way to work. We're starting to bond though. I taught him to pump his little fist in the air to get truckers to blow their air horns. I stuck a little thought balloon made out of cardboard to his baby seat that says "Honk if You're Horny", I can't wait for him to get big enough to ride up front with me where people can see it. This morning we mooned a bus stop, I think he flipped off a funeral procession.

I tell ya it gets better every, single, day.

The Adventures of Bottomless Bill and the Narcoleptic Nipple

2007-02-05T19:20:00.000-08:00

I know it's been awhile, and I'll apologize for the lack of pictures, but it is a post so take it or leave it.

My son, who was only to be referred to as William, or Will, has since picked up the handle "Wild Bill" from my sister inlaw. Wild Bill has recently moved into the "I'm hungry, right freaking NOW! Feed me or I'll scream until blood runs from your ear canals!" stage. This is quite frustrating because at the same time, the nipple makes him sleepy. So he falls asleep not quite full to the brim with baby chow, and wakes up royally pissed about it. This is not conducive to a good night's sleep, or even looking forward to any interaction with my son since they ALL involve trying to keep him full.

Actually, I thought up the title to this post and it seemed so clever I had to use it. I guess I should have had some content to put behind it.

Stay tuned, I'll post up some pics in the near future.

Weekly "That's My Boy!"

2006-12-19T04:17:00.000-08:00

Mary is going to the bad retirement home for this Ducky Butt outfit.

Pastels, our son doesn't like wearing pastels.

See? You upset him with this Ducky Butt outfit. Maybe he figured out it was a factory screw up since he has one sleeve SLIGHTLY longer than the other.

As you can see, he needed comforting. I kept whispering into his ear "I didn't do this to you, send me to the GOOD retirement center when the time comes".

He isn't sure if this outfit is an improvement, but DAMN he's cute!

Things Heard in This House...

2006-12-15T02:21:00.000-08:00

As you know, or should have guessed if you know Mary, we have lots of Pooh stuff. Most of William's things have a mobile of some sort featuring Piglet, Pooh, and Eyore. Last night I almost spit out my beer when I heard.

"You talking to those guys up there? Well you tell Eyore to get happy, Piglet to stop being a pussy, and Pooh that Over Eatters Anonymous meets twice a week".

"Hey, he's asleep, you want to do it? Yeah! If we hurry we can get to sleep right now!"

"Was that you or the baby who just farted?"

I'd type more but I'm blanking at the moment. Also Will is pissing me off to know end. He won't eat, but he won't sleep. We got up at 4am, its now a quarter to 5, and I get up at 6:30am. He did this to me yesterday and I never got back to bed. I love him, but I don't care for him at the moment.

Please, no pictures please

2006-12-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

I am sick of that camera going off in my face and my dad holding me in weird positions to make a cute picture. I am now enacting an anti-paparazzi stance. Since I can't stand, or even sit up, I must obscure my face. Someday I will allow more photos of my cuteness to grace the net, but that day is not today!

Get that camera out of my face before I pull a Sean Penn and beat you to death with your own camera!

Where is my entourage!?!? Get this guy out of my face, I'm headed to the spa for a diaper change and "No More Tears" shampoo.

Weekly Dose of William

2006-12-04T06:37:00.000-08:00

Alright, it was cold the other day, if you've read my post you already knew this. I got so dang cold I had to put mittens on my son to keep warm. As you can see, he LOVES them.

I like teaching. I especailly like teaching my son to take a nap, although I'm sure MY dad will be glad to give advanced training to my son.

If you can't read it, his shirt says "SILENT NIGHT?"

The truth though is printed on his back where it says "UP ALL NIGHT!" Every morning around 4am, selling him for beer money sounds better and better.

Here we are having a fussing contest. For those that care, I won.

Ok, so truth be told, I did miss him a little and was glad to get home from the lease and back to my family.

Speaking of family, Mary complained to me the other day that she wasn't in very many of the pictures with Will. She's going to kill me for posting this one with her mouth open. Oh yeah, the socks that Will is wearing, one of them says "99% nice" and the other says "1% naughty". I'm thinking the ratios are off a little bit.

My son doing one of his favorite activities. He's set the high score for "Drink the Formula".

I Fear For My Life

2006-11-20T20:55:00.000-08:00

For some reason, I've become the crankiest, fussiest, not sleeping at night, at all, infant on the block.

I think this has driven my parents insane.

My dad has taken to shouting "shut up and go to bed" after I've been changed, fed, rocked, burped, primped, coifed, and hell even Martenized, yet still wake up crying my fool head off not 10 minutes after laying down.

This has lead to a level of frustration on my parents part that could be detrimental to my health.

I'm screwing up and can't stop.

I'm Lazy. Yeah, with a capital L.

2006-11-16T06:02:00.000-08:00

I'm too tired to think straight due to Will kicking my ass again.

Look at these pics and have fun.

Oh yeah, on the sidebar I've put a link to my Flickr photo page where I'll be hosting his photos.

Enjoy.

Up all night with Prince Will

2006-11-13T03:25:00.000-08:00

Since I don't sleep when the rest of the world does, I ought to get into either a latenight talk show or start hawking junk on infomercials. I think mom and dad are at their wit's end.

BLOG JACK

This is Ben, and I am freaking wrecked. This kid is driving me nuts, and if I don't get some sleep pretty soon, I'm going to give myself a vasectomy with a rusty tin can.

AND NOW BACK TO WILL

The big guy is looking at me strangley, send help.

So it's dad's birthday. Big whoop, I gots LOVES!

2006-11-12T19:34:00.000-08:00

So lately I've been pretty blocked up, which hasn't made me all that agreeable. Today my Grandmother and Granddad (I capitalize all Grandparents because in the future they will spoil me rotten and let me get away with murder) came and visited me. I was wearing my camo's again( you know it IS still hunting season) and everyone was dutifully impressed with my level of cuteness. GM and GD (the names have been shortened because dad is a lazy butt) held me and patted me, and got onto dad for being mean to me.

They should too. The other day while getting my diaper changed I emptied my bladder. Right into my own face. I was upset as you can imagine. That nuckle dragging father of mine had the gall to call me a Piss Head. For that little comment I crapped double when my next diaper change came due. So my GM made me some sleeping gowns, and you don't dare to make fun of these gown's because they are custom made and quite bad ass. They passed me back and forth, making faces at me, rubbing my back, patting me, and spoiling me. Oh yeah, they also fed me. Hey! Wearing a sleeping gown doesn't make me a sissy! They brought the Granddog with them, I think it was a dog, well, they told me it was a dog. It looked like one of my little Pooh stuffed toys. The dogs that live here didn't know what to think of it, and one of the cats was contemplating eatting that 4lb animal. You know it takes a REAL MAN to say he wears a gown to bed, so just leave it alone!

Anyway, my folks strapped me into my seat and we went to my Aunt Sharon's house for dad's birthday. I managed to spit up all over myself on the way there, and made quite a mess in dad's car. Once we arrived I had a whole bunch of cousins holding me, loving on me, and making me feel the title "Prince William" was deserved. The only trouble was that while getting a diaper change I pooped on my camo outfit. Mom didn't bring me a change of clothes, so the rest of the evening I was wearing just a diaper and black socks. I am going to get my parents for that one. I may look like a tiny old man, but for the love of God don't dress me like one. I managed to hold off my big meltdown till we got home, and now I'm driving both my parents insane. It's good to be the Prince.

Will

Whats new in my world

2006-11-09T20:48:00.000-08:00

Well, my plastibell and umbilical cord fell off. I've also got a raging case of pink eye, the viral kind, not the bacterial kind. So after a week of eye drops I find out it won't work and has to run it's course, and to top it off I've got clogged up tear duct. Also I found out that breast milk gives me the runs, and formula blocks me. My ass is raw. My farts are getting to be legendary in this house too. Dad gave me a high five and told mom "I'm glad he can do that, now I can really blame my farts on him."

Lets see, I'm also having trouble burping. Dad smacks my back, holds me face down by my jaw bone (I SWEAR TO GOD, CALL THE COPS, THIS HAMFISTED CAVEMAN IS GOING TO KILL ME) and I burp eventually, but first I have to spit up (thats the cute phrase for it, I puke my toenails up) then I'll burp. Also dad has learned not to hang out topless around me. I like that nipple ring. I like to do chin ups on that bad boy. Dad has shown amazing restraint by not flinging me off like a booger. Love that guy, even if he is as gentle as a battery acid enema.

Will.

All Hallow's Eve, or some junk

2006-10-31T14:13:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, mom and I taking it easy after she took me to her job to show me off. I didn't do much except wake up for a bottle and to load a diaper while I was there. I am telling you, life is good at this point.

Mom decided since I was going to be around at Halloween we'd best document the occasion. I bet in about 14 years I'm gonna be really pissed about these pics.

Dad showing off my hoof. For reference, if you take a can of Diet Coke, and put my heel on the table where the can sits, my toe goes up to the word "calories". So far the only thing I know about these things is that they get cold and people make a fuss over them. Oh yeah, mom and dad "eat" my toes sometimes to wake me up.

FREAKS.

Cuteness overload. Dear Lord on high, we must reduce the number of Pooh Bears at once or I am going to turn into an animated character!

Oh thank God. Crisis averted. I think I'm going to take another nap. Nap is good, especially when you haven't been awake ALL day and get to keep mom and dad up!

Ben: I tried to get a naked baby butt shot during today's bath time, but Wilhelm threw down about artistic licensing and intelectual property. I didn't understand any of it, but when he threatened legal recourse if a naked baby shot appearred, I decided against it.

Happy Halloween Everybody.

Flatulance

2006-10-30T22:07:00.000-08:00

Peter Griffin and Michael Moore - video powered by Metacafe

I can't really decide if this should go on my blog or my son's. I figure since he floated a few in my lap this evening, he should have the honor of this one.

Blog Jacking, the Dr. Visit

2006-10-29T21:14:00.000-08:00

Since this blog is about my son, I must share about our experience at the Dr. this past week. As you can see from these pics, my son is both perfect and cute. He also takes after his father in the fact that he has long limbs and hands and feet that are, shall we say, "of size".

No father is more proud of his son than when a nurse in the maternity unit, who see's baby's born every day for years on end, suddenly exclaims:

MY GAWD! YOU'VE GOTTA SEE THE PAWS AND SKIS ON THIS KID! I MEAN, JESUS, THOSE FINGERS! THOSE TOES! GIRL, WHERE'S MY CAMERA!

Yeah, my kid has freakishly large hands and feet. Just like his daddy.

Things I've discovered about myself

2006-10-29T20:55:00.000-08:00

1. Spraying urine at my parents is the cat's ass! You ought to see the faces they make as they try to dodge my stream. It is awesome!

2. Having a touch of Jaundice means that I have to bask in the sun. The sun is a big ball of light that I don't like. After 9 months in the womb I don't like light at all.

3. I like staying up all night, and since I don't like to be alone I drag a parent along from about 2 to 6am. Last night dad and I watched "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2". Don't worry about it scarring me for life, I don't see beyond 2' at this point and dad had the volume down low.

4. Mom calls me "Pumpkin Pie" and dad calls me "Wilhelm" (pronounced VILHELM). Why? I don't have a freaking clue. Why give me a name if you aren't going to use it?

5. I smile when I fart.

6. I fart ALOT.

7. Mom and dad must keep the freaking wet wipes in the fridge. I mean c'mon, who wants a cold damp rag on their business?

8. Dad thinks its funny to play with my arms and legs when I'm asleep. He had me waving at mom, doing high fives, doing that John Travolta arm jesture from Saturday Night Fever. All that crap and the dumb ass doesn't take pics.

9. I scare the dogs.

10. The cats hate me.

Well, thats been my life so far. Been here 7 days and still kickin' and tootin'. I'll leave dad to tell you about my Dr. visit.

Wilhelm
a.k.a.
Pumpkin Pie

Well, I'm here

2006-10-25T16:06:00.000-07:00

I was born on Monday night, the 23rd of October at 11:54, in Fort Worth, Texas. I am my parents first child and they don't have a clue what they are doing. My dad is doing the typing for me since I seem to lack any motor control at the moment. He says this sight will be updated soon with more stuff about me and pictures. Anyway, he'll update later. He's gotta feed and change me right now.

Will.