Whats new in my world

Well, my plastibell and umbilical cord fell off. I've also got a raging case of pink eye, the viral kind, not the bacterial kind. So after a week of eye drops I find out it won't work and has to run it's course, and to top it off I've got clogged up tear duct. Also I found out that breast milk gives me the runs, and formula blocks me. My ass is raw. My farts are getting to be legendary in this house too. Dad gave me a high five and told mom "I'm glad he can do that, now I can really blame my farts on him."

Lets see, I'm also having trouble burping. Dad smacks my back, holds me face down by my jaw bone (I SWEAR TO GOD, CALL THE COPS, THIS HAMFISTED CAVEMAN IS GOING TO KILL ME) and I burp eventually, but first I have to spit up (thats the cute phrase for it, I puke my toenails up) then I'll burp. Also dad has learned not to hang out topless around me. I like that nipple ring. I like to do chin ups on that bad boy. Dad has shown amazing restraint by not flinging me off like a booger. Love that guy, even if he is as gentle as a battery acid enema.

Will.